THE SINGLE SURVIVORS

#84 Apocalypse

Yes, folks, there's actually a site aimed at survivalist singles, and one way or another, the benevolent men and women who manage it, are pretty intent on hooking you up with a partner so you'll at least be able to hold someone's hand when the proverbial apocalyptic shit hits the fan. Their strapline: `Don't stay alone, Join Now for free!' And of course, the last line in the FAQ section reads: `Once you purchase a subscription it will remain active for the remainder of your initial term.' Strangely enough, they don't mention anything about post-apocalyptic renewals. But would you really want to pick a partner just a few months before D-Day? Sure enough, there's the benefit of companionship, and more importantly, the added excitement of bonking in a bunker. But in a crisis, two becomes a crowd and it effectively cuts your chances of survival in half. Just think about dividing all the provisions - including the baked beans - by two, and you'll get a clearer picture of why temporary celibacy is the preferred option. Once the dust settles, you'll have loads of desperate singles to choose from.